How to Deal With Your Inner Bully

    "The worst bullies you will ever encounter in your life are your own thoughts." 
~ Bryant H. McGill, Voice of Reason: Speaking to the Great and Good Spirit of Revolution of Mind

     You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens. ~ Louise L Hay, You Can Heal Your Life

     Recently I saw a video on Facebook about how to deal with a racist bully verbally attacking someone in public. In the video, this was a man verbally attacking a Muslim woman. This is my interpretation of the video recommendations:

• Do not make eye contact or engage with the bully in any way. 
• Go straight to the person being bullied and introduce yourself with a smile. 
• Do not treat them like a victim or act like a rescuer.  Doing so just reinforces the bully in the victimizer role.  Instead treat the person being attacked with kindness and caring by engaging in a pleasant conversation.  For example, ask them about a movie they've seen recently or a book they've read. Focus on them exclusively and act like the bully isn't even there. This withdraws  energy from the conflict and expands the energy of kindness.  
• If the bully does not leave, ask the person if they would like to leave, such as going to get a cup of coffee.

     After watching this video, it occurred to me that this was excellent advice for any kind of verbal bullying - both internal and external!

Do you have an inner bully?

     Do you have an inner voice that throws your fears in your face, questions your decisions and calls you names - like stupid, silly, ridiculous or crazy? That's your lower self, also known as your ego. It's the part of you that is controlling and fearful. It says it's protecting you, but it's really keeping you small. How can you tell if an inner voice is your lower self?  Simply this: It's the voice that makes you feel bad about yourself.  

To deal with this inner bully, you can use the same guidelines as the video:

• Do not engage with your inner bully. Do not confront or argue with this inner voice. Don't focus on it or give any energy to it. 
• Go straight to the part of you that is wounded in the energy of loving kindness. Start a loving conversation with yourself, reminding yourself of all your positive attributes. Recall specific memories that empower you. As in...remember the time that you ____ and how good you felt about yourself...
• Do not feel sorry for yourself or treat yourself as a victim. And don't view your lower self as a victimizer. Doing so just reinforces these disempowering roles. Instead, redirect the energy by treating yourself like your own best friend.
• If the inner voice persists, immerse yourself in a pleasant activity.  Focus on any sights, smells, sounds and the physical sensations of this activity. What you focus on grows. What you withdraw your focus from dissipates. 

   

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