How to Overcome Your Fear of Failure

      "The only way to change your reaction to failure is to challenge the beliefs that create it - those ideas about what failure means. And the best way to challenge those beliefs is to change the thoughts that shape them."  ~ Lori Deschene, Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life's Hard Questions 

      I recently received notice that my second self-published book, Awaken Your Greater Health, won a Nautilus Book Award.  More about that here. After the initial shock and awe, the next feeling I had was an overwhelming fear of failure!

     Although this is a major book award, its not my first time at the rodeo. Both my books have won many awards. But none of them has made much of a difference in helping to connect the books to the people who can be helped by them. I was afraid that even though this is a major award, it also won't make a difference. Because I have a fear of failure. Its an old pattern emerging.

Fear of Failure

     My husband and I went through 70 treatment cycles for infertility. Yes, you read that right -- seventy. And that doesn't even count the year-plus that we tried on our own before beginning treatment. Our family-building attempts were spread out over 16 years. And during that time, 67 of those 70 treatment cycles failed. I sometimes wonder if we hold some kind of record for fertility treatment failure!

     Although we have three wonderful, amazing adult children and their equally wonderful significant others, the impact of those 67 failures doesn't just go away. I've worked through it on many fronts with lots of professional help. I also got it all out in an unpublished memoir. And I worked through it by helping other infertile women individually and in hosting an infertility support group for several years. I've been at peace for years. But the process of healing unfolds in a spiral pattern. We all spiral around and encounter deeper layers of old issues from time to time.

Shining a Light

     It isn't easy sharing these "failures" in life. In our society, failure is seen as a weakness, something to be ashamed of and kept hidden. But having the courage to be open and vulnerable is actually a sign of strength! I don't share these things for you to feel sorry for me, for I am not a victim. I am a creator, as are you. We create from our state of energy. And its clear that my state of energy needs some healing.  By shining a light on what we prefer to keep hidden, healing can happen.

Turning it Around

     Although the title of this post is about "overcoming" the fear of failure, I only used that word because it is a popular search term!  Healing is not actually about overcoming. Healing is about getting to the root of an issue. Healing is devoid of any force or suppression. Healing is love.
     
   The root of current fear of failure is the pain of failures in the past. We've all experienced situations in the past that felt like failures -- in our relationships, career, school and life. Healing happens through compassionate acknowledgement of our perceived failures coupled with an affirmative statement. Here's mine:

     Even though I have this history of failure, I accept myself and I am now willing to receive the blessings of this award.

     Every time the thought comes up of something painful from the past, compassionately acknowledge it and then turn it around with what you are willing to do now to heal. Here are some general examples:

• Even though I have this history of relationship failure, I accept myself and I am now willing to receive love.
• Even though I have this history of career failure, I accept myself and I am now willing to receive success.
• Even though I have this history of financial failure, I accept myself and I am now willing to receive the abundance that is my birthright.

     Fill in the blanks of the sentence below, being very specific about your situation. Then use this healing affirmation every time the thought of failure comes up, by saying it out loud or to yourself:

     Even though I have this history of failing at _______, I accept myself and I am now willing to ________.

     
     
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